Infidelity, Greed & Power....

Welcome,

Thanks for stopping by, it's great to have you visit.

This week I'm going to talk about Infidelity. As most of you know by now I have cooked for some of the World's most powerful people. Even though I predominantly loved being immersed in this World there were many aspects to it that I certainly didn't agree with. I was out of integrity with my own values & at times chose to turn a blind eye to things.

One of the first things I would see change many people was/is a love of money.
Then once some people start making in their mind 'big' money the Power goes straight to their heads & Greed kicks in..
By now the Ego's are becoming full of Power & Money & the taste of Greed just keeps growing. No matter how much some people have, they constantly still wanted more.Enough wasn't enough. This gradually starts to flow into other areas of their life especially in acts of Infidelity, sometimes many times over with multiple partners.

At the moment my focus with clients & myself is about relationships. So I'm going to touch on a subject that isn't talked about very much, Infidelity. Trust me I have been exposed to way too much of it. Now don't get me wrong I'm in no way, under any circumstances a fan of the act. I've seen so many people deeply hurt by selfless acts from their partners of so called 'meaningless' sex with another partner. And on the other side of the spectrum I've also seen an affair strengthen a relationship!

So where do you stand with this subject? I think it is a topic which is like how long is a peace of string! Everyone will have a different opinion. Everyone does have a different opinion. I believe the most important thing for anyone in an intimate relationship is to have this conversation early on in the relationship.

I know couples who have an open relationship where they set boundaries within themselves of who they can & can't sleep with. Other couples go to Swinger Parties where they are happy to share their partners & themselves but this is the only place they do. Then what about orgies & threesomes? Where do they come into the equation? Are this seen as infidelity too?

For me, I have to ask the question what & where are the boundaries in those scenarios? How does this possibly work? Ironically I ask this question however, I have been in open relationships where we are free to date other people at the same time. For me this worked for a while & then it came to the point I wanted exclusivity. Well let's just say that was usually the end of that relp. or I didn't want to be single so I 'tolerated' the scenario. Yes I had my boundaries in these situations. You may ask why did I agree to the situation? Well that is easy. I had a beautiful connection with the guy I was with at the time. We were pretty much best friends & loved each other's company in every way. Yet on the other hand both of us knew we weren't each other's Life Partners so for whatever reason it wasn't a huge issue as such at the time & that was what worked for us.

Other scenarios I knew guys who were happy to pay for sex. This worked well for everyone concerned because it was a 'business transaction' & so there weren't any so called emotions invloved. But were there? The wives were given plenty of money to spend on whatever they desired in return so I suppose that was their trade off while their men were away doing goodness knows what with these goddess looking women.

From what I have witnessed the result always ends up being the same. The lies. The countless lies start out small, start to become bigger & bigger until there really is hurt & deception on all levels. It becomes a way of life for some people. Staying one step ahead? The chase? The boredom for wanting to have more? Or is it an addictive nature playing out? Then for the women they become closed off & blocked. Angry, bitter & so unhappy. You can see them trapped in this superficial World having to succumb to what they are told to do otherwise they risk losing everything. I think it is so sad once seeing these really confident, self empowered beautiful women losing all of their self esteem & sense of being a woman. Having babies changes their bodies so they are no long the Model or size 6 they once were. Cosmetic surgery takes over & the use of Botox ruins any beautiful self expression they once had.

For me yes it is just so sad to watch & witness from the sidelines. Yet by choice that wasn't my journey. Some of these women try to become your friend even though you are staff & it's always a fine in this instance. So you need to keep a healthy boundary in place.

The most heart wrenching thing for me in these scenarios was always 'knowing' what the husbands were up to when the wives didn't. Everyone who knows me can tell you I can't lie. So the better thing for me to do was to avoid these women, deflect the conversation & divert the attention to something completely different.  It all becomes a known knowing between everyone. There is always the 'elephant' in the room that no-one acknowledges.

What are your tolerances in your relationship? If you are single what are you willing to accept & not accept with a partner?

Where does the fine line of 'cheating' for you start? Ironically during my travels it was always the guy who was so vocal about this one! For a lot of men it was a kiss on the lips. That was absolutely a no go for their partners & grounds for a break up. Others it was dinner or a coffee with another man. Then others apparently more liberal minded was the act of sex. As far as I am concerned I think this is the conversation for you & your partner or future partner to discuss.

If you are someone who does cheat, or is happy to be with someone who is married I want you to consider one thing before you act on your urges next time with someone who is married.
Think about the friends, the family & work colleagues who are aware of this indiscretion. Of course you think you are both clever & no-one know about it. But people do. Someone always does. You are asking them to
a) speak up & potentially ruin a family's life, especially if there are kids involoved 
b) you are asking other people to lie & cover for you.
c) if it is the Boss with a work colleague then that takes on a whole new set of dynamics.
Regardless of the scenario for me this just isn't fair to anyone.

Of course everyone changes & grows & sometimes we outgrow our partners or they outgrow us. If this is you then know you do have the courage to change things. Have the awkward conversation with your spouse. They will probably already know anyway. And if you feel your spouse is cheating on you then speak up & find out what is really going on. It isn't necessarily related to you directly anyway. It may work out better then you expected & getting to the truth of everything definitely clears the air. Honesty works better then deception.

Enjoy your partner for who they are. Tell them you love them. Do random acts of kindness towards them. Tell them what you want & how you are feeling about things. Ask them how you can both reignite the flames of passion in your relationship if that is what is needed.

Sending you love & blessings

J-A xo